This past weekend, I went out on a Boys Night Out excursion with a friend of mine. We started out with dinner and followed with a concert. We had a great time and it was good to make a change in my little routines, but during a lull in the conversation, my friend asked me how I was doing.

All of a sudden, this bucket of deep sadness was pulled up from the depths of my being, and it surprised me. "Where did this come from?" Of course I placed the bucket on the side of my well and replied, "Great." I then proceeded to concentrate on all of the great stuff in my life that I'm enjoying right now … Tea time with my baby daughter … My loving who is quite easy to get along with and how we are really understanding each other and are working together well … you know, the standard stuff.

But there was this bucket …

I'll admit that marriage could never live up to the fantasy and expectations from childhood … I mean, I love music and was looking forward to the time when my and I could go to concerts, and of course, she loved all the music that I enjoyed. Well, my can't stand much of my music … and barely tolerates the rest.

But that isn't a bucket of sadness, because there are always things that you get to do together, but you can't expect your spouse to be a puppet at the end of your arm. Consequently, I go to concerts with my friend, and then come home and cuddle with my family.

But what is in this bucket over here. I'm afraid to look. I would hate to have a look into this pool of emotions and have my world crash down around me. I'm afraid of this bucket … but also annoyed that I have such a bucket.

I realize that every religion, teacher, guru and devil loose in the world promises complete and utter happiness and/or peace. Granted, this bait is usually located at the end of an ever illusive rainbow. And perhaps that is the way it should be.

I mean, if you don't have faith in the destination, you'd never make the journey. But let's not kid ourselves here … the journey is the goal. And it is good to pull out a bucket of strange water from our well … just like it is good to draw the Tower from the middle of the deck. Complacency would kill us with her boredom.

But what am I going to do with this bucket? Didn't I just answer it? Deciding what do with its water is the very purpose of drawing it in the first place, and the answer varies from person to person. The lyrics of a pop song, What You Are (from Dave Matthews' Everyday album) come to mind:

I walk into this room
Oh, all eyes on me now
But I do not know the people inside
They look straight through me, these eyes
Seeking more wisdom than I have to give away
Realize, realize what you are...

What you've become,
Just as I have
Are you and I so unalike?
I don't hear you
Just as I am
Afraid if we dance we might die
Mock the world
Live safe, say why
Don't you know if you live life
Then you become what you are