The essence of cowardice is to not acknowledge the reality of fear. Fear takes many forms. We are afraid of death, we are afraid that we can’t handle the demands of our life, and there is abrupt fear, or panic, when new situations occur. Fear is expressed as restlessness: how we move, how we talk, how we chew our nails, how we sometimes put our hands in our pockets uselessly. We have to realize our fear and reconcile ourselves with fear. However, acknowledging fear is not a cause for depression. Because we possess such fear, we can potentially experience fearlessness.

— Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche (Taken from Ocean of Dharma)

It is 4:39 am, and I haven’t been asleep for hours. In fact, I’m not sure how much sleep I’ve had tonight. I would like to blame it on my little girl who likes to wake up every few hours to call out “Daddy, Peas hold me!”

I’d like to blame it on our dog who just had to wake up the neighborhood because wind blew something over. And she just wouldn’t let up until I went out into the backyard and fixed things.

I’d like to blame it on … let’s face it, I’m restless. I’m afraid. No, it isn’t a fear that comes from Bush and Dick’s keep-the-people-always-in-fear Terror Alert. I fear for the future… my future.

Loosing health, money, family members… Is the threat of this loss the basis of my fear? Perhaps if I didn’t desire to cling to these things, the fear would go as well.

Hrm … it seems like I’ve been down this thought path before.